http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/the-6-craziest-things-people-have-said-about-pregn
In The Mind Of Jas
Tuesday, August 21
Saturday, August 18
a hard decision was made yesterday. i realized i have to move on. life is short and getting shorter everyday. i much as i hate to i have to accept that if is meant to be it'll happen and if not then it wasn't meant to be. i have enough problems to work out as it is. on a brighter note, there maybe a possible commission to do some artwork. i haven't gotten all the details yet but i may be looking at actually getting it printed. which means more than one to be sold....woo hoo!!! it won't be easy. i see many, many hours involved in to produce the artwork. at least I've got enough free time on my hands now lol.
Thursday, August 9
warning: the following post contains descriptions of sexual acts that may be sensitive in nature to some. the accounts here are not fictional and was shared with me in confidence by a woman struggling with abuse, there for the names of the parties involved have been changed,
Nadia and i had a real friendship that had developed online that was sexual in nature at times but was always "make believe". she liked to claim she couldn't be freaked out by anything sexual. so me being the freak i am i took that as a challenge to at least try. it was fun, very fun but nothing more.
one night i half jokingly to her saying, "i expect a huge gift basket from you and your husband Richard(let's just call him dick for short), after all the ideas i have given you to try out in the bed room to spice things up a bit." little did i know that after saying that our lives was about to change completely.
the next six hours that past consisted of her opening up her life to me and i opened up my life to her as well. "it doesn't matter. he never tries anything new. he doesn't even care about my wants and needs. he doesn't even pay me any attention except when he's horny."
"why not?" i asked. " isn't that is what marriage is about? trying new things and wanting to please your spouse?"
"i don't know. i guess so but it's always the same every time" Nadia said sadly.
i felt almost obligated to offer my help. "do you mind me asking what it is the two of you do in bed together?"
a couple of minutes of silenced past and just as i was about to apologize for asking Nadia spoke up. "dick will be in the bedroom watching TV and he'll text me that he's horny. so, I would have to tell him no because the kids was there and it's the middle of the afternoon and my daughters in the floor playing. he would have to wait til the were asleep but he won't listen and demands i come give him a blow job. i don't want to start and argument so i go give him one. then we have sex after the kids go to sleep which never lasts long enough and when he's done he just gets up and tells me he doesn't know why he even bothers that I'm not any good at it and i don't know how to please a man anyways. Dick leaves and goes to another room leaving me there to finish things myself with my toys. it really hurts but its been like that forever."
with my jaw on the floor in shock, "WHAT!!! oh my god I'm so sorry Nadia. i had no idea it was like that for you. how? why? i don't understand why someone would be that way. i take you love each other don't you?"
" i guess...i mean i don't know. that's not the worst part"
"what do you mean? it gets worse?"
"that is the only time he pays me any attention. he doesn't pay any attention to his kids unless i ask him to. if he does pay me attention he always says hurtful things to me and i try to tell him but he just laughs and says i can't take a joke. i wish i knew what i was doing wrong."
......to be continued
sorry this is very hard for me but i will continue it when my stress levels return to normal.
OK, where was i? aah yes, so i asked her, "what all does he say to you? "
"i don't just hurtful things. he says I'm stupid but he thinks everyone is stupid, so."
"you're not stupid and don't think for a second any of this is your fault because it's not." i told her.
"OK." she said followed by silence. about a minute later, "dick just left for work. he got the lunch i made him and walked out the door not saying anything to me. he didn't even look at me. see what I'm saying?"
"you always tell your wife you love her and kiss her goodbye just in case something happens and that's the last chance you get to. what else has he said to you?"
"he is all the time telling me my ass is going to grow roots if i don't get off the couch and do something. i do everything around here. i cook, clean, take care of my kids. i make sure all of that is done. i make his lunch every night. wash his clothes. if i decide to have a few drinks every now and then he calls me a drunk. I'm not a drunk."she said.
at this point i kinda knew where the conversation might go. i went ahead and asked. "has he ever hit you?" very quickly she answered. "no he's never hit me."
"he's never put his hands on you?"
"no, he's never hit me." she said again.(red flag, you don't have to hit to hurt and bruise). "OK i just wanted to make sure. you don't have to live like that. he's mistreating you and not showing any attention to you. do you still love him?"
"i still love him because he's the father of my kids...but I'm not in love with him and haven't been for a couple of years. ever since he cheated on me after my daughter was born." she said.
"so you know for a fact he cheated on you?"
"yeah. he came out and told me he did and who it was with but now he denies it ever happened."
this woman doesn't drive, doesn't work, they live away from the city, only real friends she has is his friends and family, and he controls all the finances. i couldn't send her a gift at Christmas because she said he would know because he keeps up with every thing i have. i already knew what was going on. and wanted to talk allot more to her about it but it was only a couple hours until her kids got up for school but we said goodnight to each other. that night changed our lives. every ones lives because in the days, weeks, even months ahead would be a roller coaster ride of emotions and abuse. I'll continue the story at a later date. it's still ongoing some what. lets just say i haven't heard anything from her in seven weeks now. seven weeks today.
Nadia and i had a real friendship that had developed online that was sexual in nature at times but was always "make believe". she liked to claim she couldn't be freaked out by anything sexual. so me being the freak i am i took that as a challenge to at least try. it was fun, very fun but nothing more.
one night i half jokingly to her saying, "i expect a huge gift basket from you and your husband Richard(let's just call him dick for short), after all the ideas i have given you to try out in the bed room to spice things up a bit." little did i know that after saying that our lives was about to change completely.
the next six hours that past consisted of her opening up her life to me and i opened up my life to her as well. "it doesn't matter. he never tries anything new. he doesn't even care about my wants and needs. he doesn't even pay me any attention except when he's horny."
"why not?" i asked. " isn't that is what marriage is about? trying new things and wanting to please your spouse?"
"i don't know. i guess so but it's always the same every time" Nadia said sadly.
i felt almost obligated to offer my help. "do you mind me asking what it is the two of you do in bed together?"
a couple of minutes of silenced past and just as i was about to apologize for asking Nadia spoke up. "dick will be in the bedroom watching TV and he'll text me that he's horny. so, I would have to tell him no because the kids was there and it's the middle of the afternoon and my daughters in the floor playing. he would have to wait til the were asleep but he won't listen and demands i come give him a blow job. i don't want to start and argument so i go give him one. then we have sex after the kids go to sleep which never lasts long enough and when he's done he just gets up and tells me he doesn't know why he even bothers that I'm not any good at it and i don't know how to please a man anyways. Dick leaves and goes to another room leaving me there to finish things myself with my toys. it really hurts but its been like that forever."
with my jaw on the floor in shock, "WHAT!!! oh my god I'm so sorry Nadia. i had no idea it was like that for you. how? why? i don't understand why someone would be that way. i take you love each other don't you?"
" i guess...i mean i don't know. that's not the worst part"
"what do you mean? it gets worse?"
"that is the only time he pays me any attention. he doesn't pay any attention to his kids unless i ask him to. if he does pay me attention he always says hurtful things to me and i try to tell him but he just laughs and says i can't take a joke. i wish i knew what i was doing wrong."
......to be continued
sorry this is very hard for me but i will continue it when my stress levels return to normal.
OK, where was i? aah yes, so i asked her, "what all does he say to you? "
"i don't just hurtful things. he says I'm stupid but he thinks everyone is stupid, so."
"you're not stupid and don't think for a second any of this is your fault because it's not." i told her.
"OK." she said followed by silence. about a minute later, "dick just left for work. he got the lunch i made him and walked out the door not saying anything to me. he didn't even look at me. see what I'm saying?"
"you always tell your wife you love her and kiss her goodbye just in case something happens and that's the last chance you get to. what else has he said to you?"
"he is all the time telling me my ass is going to grow roots if i don't get off the couch and do something. i do everything around here. i cook, clean, take care of my kids. i make sure all of that is done. i make his lunch every night. wash his clothes. if i decide to have a few drinks every now and then he calls me a drunk. I'm not a drunk."she said.
at this point i kinda knew where the conversation might go. i went ahead and asked. "has he ever hit you?" very quickly she answered. "no he's never hit me."
"he's never put his hands on you?"
"no, he's never hit me." she said again.(red flag, you don't have to hit to hurt and bruise). "OK i just wanted to make sure. you don't have to live like that. he's mistreating you and not showing any attention to you. do you still love him?"
"i still love him because he's the father of my kids...but I'm not in love with him and haven't been for a couple of years. ever since he cheated on me after my daughter was born." she said.
"so you know for a fact he cheated on you?"
"yeah. he came out and told me he did and who it was with but now he denies it ever happened."
this woman doesn't drive, doesn't work, they live away from the city, only real friends she has is his friends and family, and he controls all the finances. i couldn't send her a gift at Christmas because she said he would know because he keeps up with every thing i have. i already knew what was going on. and wanted to talk allot more to her about it but it was only a couple hours until her kids got up for school but we said goodnight to each other. that night changed our lives. every ones lives because in the days, weeks, even months ahead would be a roller coaster ride of emotions and abuse. I'll continue the story at a later date. it's still ongoing some what. lets just say i haven't heard anything from her in seven weeks now. seven weeks today.
Tuesday, August 7
sometimes it hurts more than just the victim
I'm starting to feel foolish as of late. the want to believe everything someone you trusted had told you can be overpowering to say the least. my heart says be patient and believe in love. my brain says she played me and can't be trusted. it's a soul destroying stalemate between the two. a compromise must be reached her before it kills what dignity i have left. how do i accomplish that? the best way I've seem to have found is the old school way...junior high type old school. pros and cons list. likes and dislikes to compare the two. if only it was that simple to figure it all out.
she may have resorted to junior high type antics in a sick and twisted way to deal with it all but I'm not in junior high anymore. no, i can no longer think about lowering myself to those tactics even though my sadistic devious side is screaming to be let out to cause panic and havoc for the destruction she left behind. i could be so cruel to her for leaving me like that. revenge can be so sweet but after you have it then what? everything will still be the same only then I'd be filled with shame for embarrassing her or trying to. no, i won't lower myself like that. those things are special to me and are mine and mine alone.
"as long as she is happy that's all that matters to me." yes, i said this many times but that's not how i feel. why should she be the only one that is happy? should i not also be deserving of happiness? i treated her with respect, kindness, understanding, and more loving than she had ever felt. it's not that she left me. it's how she left me. the "disappearing act" as i like to call it now can be an all consuming mind twisting, soul devouring, fucking confusing way to let someone know you are no longer a part of their life. she deserves some of this pain she helped cause. i offered her my unconditional love, gave her my heart, and help by giving her the knowledge i have for her to stay out of that situation. she refused it.
i have not allowed myself to fall for anyone for a very, very long time because i didn't want to ever feel the pain the last woman caused by leaving me. i really loved that one but nothing like this one. i have ten times the love for this one and now ten times the pain from her leaving. i know what has to be done to start getting over this. it's going to be hard to do but since she has chosen to keep me out of her life it has to be done. i will always love you and i am sorry for this.
what gave you the right to think you could treat me this way? you have destroyed my kindness and understanding towards others leaving me to never be able to trust anyone that may come into my life. you are a cold hearted bitch who is just as manipulative as your husband. you used me, lied to me, broke every promise you made, and took advantage of my love. you tried to get me to hate you and leave you . so you didn't have to have any regrets for what you have done to me. you don't deserve to be happy. i do hate you now. you have no one to blame for your misery now but yourself.
i almost erased that but it's to prove a point. i would never say those things to her. it's an example that sometimes it's not just the victim of an abusive relationship that gets hurt. people who offer their support and help to the victims of abuse will be hurt by them. on average it takes a woman leaving their abusive husband five times before they finally stop going back to their abuser. i have already experienced this more than once now. i watched as she became so emotionally confused by her husbands tactics that she couldn't make rational decisions even about simple day to day things. in the end she was so blinded by this it altered her reality making her cling to the man who had cause all of this in the first place and going back to that life she was trying to escape from. leaving me behind more broken hearted than i have ever been in my life. sometimes the abuse hurts more than just the victim.
Monday, August 6
Tired - written July 6th, 2012
i'm tired
i'm tired of being lied to
tired of being used
tired of dealing with lawyers
tired of being hurt and broken hearted
tired of my family
tired of being smiled at then stabbed in the back
tired of abussive husbands messing things up
tired of having my chain yanked with no happy ending
tired of waiting
tired of being treated like i'm stupid
tired of idiots doing idiotic things
tired of being lonely
tired of broken promises
tired of being nice all the time
tired of my hands constantly shaking when i think about her
tired of thinking about her every second of the day
tired of facebook
tired of getting my hopes up and having them ripped away
tired of being tired
tired of this fucking heat
tired of karma constantly mistaking me for someone else
tired of poeple doubting me
tired of typing this crap that no one reads
tired of you
tired of being looked down on
still tired of you
tired
Saturday, August 4
a friend of mine posted this today. she is such a great person and you can tell a lot happier.
One year ago today, Dumbass showed me what he was really made of. He left me with no car, no job, no income of any kind, no support for a newly diagnosed medical condition, and no hope. Today, I have a car, a job, better potential for income than I have had in years, an amazing support system, and an almost too optimistic attitude. I never realized how poorly he treated me, how little he thought of me, and how worthless I believed I was, until he left. So Dumbass, thank you for breaking my heart a year ago. It was the kindest think you have ever done for me.
One year ago today, Dumbass showed me what he was really made of. He left me with no car, no job, no income of any kind, no support for a newly diagnosed medical condition, and no hope. Today, I have a car, a job, better potential for income than I have had in years, an amazing support system, and an almost too optimistic attitude. I never realized how poorly he treated me, how little he thought of me, and how worthless I believed I was, until he left. So Dumbass, thank you for breaking my heart a year ago. It was the kindest think you have ever done for me.
someone else posted this picture today too. this is absolutely true. teaching our sons...stop the abuse before it starts. but, i know it's not that simple. wish it was.
Repost: No One Should Be Abused
nothing challenges your mental stability more than purposely making someone that means so much to you hate you when you know it's what's best in the long run. that's the easy part...the hard part is dealing with the fact they'll probably never know what you did for them
Emotional abuse is any behavior that is designed to control another person through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. It can include verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics like intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.
Following are types of emotional abuse:
VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.
GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)
Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in her perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it be by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance" or teaching, the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient loses all sense of self and all remnants of personal value.
Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be longer-lasting than physical ones. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.
Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.
Following are types of emotional abuse:
DOMINATION: Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.
VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.
ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.
UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of Borderline Personality Disorder). Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.
This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hyper vigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood.
An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.
GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)
CONSTANT CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement. (Many non-BPs also are addicted to drama.)
Mental, psychological, or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner consists of more subtle actions or behaviors than physical abuse. While physical abuse might seem worse, the scars of verbal and emotional abuse are deep. Studies show that verbal or nonverbal abuse can be much more emotionally damaging than physical abuse.
Since, in the majority of cases, people who indulge in verbal abuse are selective about whom they abuse, many people are surprised to hear that someone is experiencing on-going and periodic abuse from someone they know and have always seen as nice and friendly. “Nice and Friendly” is the persona of many an abuser. Although many folks are as nice and friendly as they seem, some are not.
Thousands of battered people have said that the hurt of verbal abuse lasted longer than the bruises of physical abuse. Verbal abuse is a kind of violence that creates a deep emotional pain and mental anguish that can be immobilizing.
Verbal abuse is usually hidden. It takes a long time to recover. It is very traumatizing. It can go on for the length of a long relationship without becoming physical. Also, it precedes and is part of physically abusive and threatening relationships--ones where a person is hit, pushed, shoved, or witnesses demonstrations of violence. Verbal abuse is so much like mind control that the victim may doubt her sanity.
Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:
threatening or intimidating to gain compliance
destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so
violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) or pet, in the presence of the intended victim, as a way of instilling fear of further violence
yelling or screaming
name-calling
constant harassment
embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends
criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals
not trusting the victim’s decision-making
telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser
excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family
excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be
saying hurtful things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse to say the hurtful things
blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels
making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to “teach them a lesson”
making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship
Emotional and Verbal abuse
Emotional abuse can result in serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental disorders.
Verbal/emotional abuse is anything that the abuser says or does to the victim which causes the victim to be afraid, lowers the victim's self esteem, or manipulates the victim's emotions in order to control the victim's behavior.
Examples:
Name-calling
Put-downs
Insulting remarks about the victim, the victim's family or friends
Yelling and screaming
Threats of violence and harm
Racial slurs
Intentionally embarrassing the victim in front of other people
Isolating the victim from friends and family
Telling the victim what to do
Making the victim feel responsible for causing the violence
Stalking
Harming or threatening to harm the victim's pets
Threatening to commit suicide
Threatening to expose the victim's secrets (such as personal/private sexual information, sexual orientation, or immigration status)
Threatening to take away the victim's children
Threatening
Intimidating
Criticizing
Displaying jealousy
Using public humiliation
Putting down the partner
Isolating
Dominating
Using the Children
Yelling
Degrading women in general
Belittling accomplishments
Constant blaming
Apologizing and making false promises to end the abuse
Isolating from others
Ridiculing, criticizing appearance
Ignoring, withholding affection
Abusing pets
Accusing of having affairs
Monitoring conversations
Embarrassing in front of others
Undermining authority with children
Making account for time
Constant telephone calls - "checking up"
Examples of emotional abuse in domestic violence
Emotional abuse is damaging to the soul. It often leaves a vague feeling of pain, a sense of something wrong that is hard to identify. Since it is so difficult to define, women often doubt their own perceptions. The emotional abuse of someone keeps the partner on an emotional roller coaster. He keeps her off balance so she does not trust her own sense of reality.
Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. Some examples are as follows:
Isolation: The man will strongly discourage contact with friends and family. He will insist upon a move to an area far from these people, possibly rural or remote if they are city dwellers.
Limiting involvement with others: He will deny the woman access to a car, not allow her to go to school. If she is employed, he will harass her on the telephone or turn up at her workplace and cause trouble so that she loses her job.
Control of finances: He will take her money, give her an allowance or make her ask for money. She will have to account for all her expenditures and will have no knowledge of the family finances.
Putting her down: The man will call her names, ridicule her, imitate her, tell her she is 'stupid', yell at her, downplay her accomplishments, degrade her dignity and self-worth, make her feel useless and inferior.
Playing mind games: He will deny the abuse ever happened, say 'she caused it', or make light of the abuse telling her 'she has no sense of humor'.
Using the children: He will threaten to take the children away from her.
Anger and jealousy: The man will get angry and jealous and accuse her of having affairs if she even speaks to another man.
Verbal Abuse and its Devastating Impact
If you've heard, "You're Too Sensitive", you've probably heard verbal abuse.
The scars from verbal assaults can last for years. They are psychological scars that leave people unsure of themselves, unable to recognize their true value, their talents and sometimes unable to adapt to life’s many challenges. Except for name-calling many people don't recognize verbal abuse—especially when it comes from a person they believe loves them or from a person they perceive as an authority figure; or when it comes from a person who is in a position of power, for example, one's boss, a family provider, one's parent, or even an older sibling that one has learned to look up to in childhood.
Unfortunately, when people don’t recognize verbal abuse for what it is, they may try to get the person who is putting them down, giving them orders, or “correcting,” denouncing, yelling at or ignoring them to understand them and understand that the behavior hurts them. Or, they may try to stop them by giving it back in kind. In other words, they may act out their anger.
Since, in the majority of cases, people who indulge in verbal abuse are selective about whom they abuse, many people are surprised to hear that someone is experiencing on-going and periodic abuse from someone they know and have always seen as nice and friendly. “Nice and Friendly” is the persona of many an abuser. Although many people are as nice and friendly as they seem, some are not.
In verbally abusive relationships, verbal abuse creates pain and trauma and can lead to physical illness. Ongoing abuse is stressful, no matter how much one tries to ignore it. Stress compromises the immune system leaving the abused person vulnerable to a host of illnesses. Back pain and exhaustion are often the first symptoms.
On the other hand, people can occasionally feel so upset or frustrated that they say something that is abusive, but when they realize how they’ve come across they apologize and say what they mean in a non-abusive, healthy, way.
If there isn’t a feeling of goodwill and understanding between two people in their relationship, if one is hurting and feeling constantly put down by actual comments, for instance, “You can’t do anything right,” or is frequently yelled at, then that person is probably in a verbally abusive relationship.
Verbal Abuse Can Precede Domestic Violence
Verbal Abuse Can Lead to Domestic Violence
Batterers don’t start beating their partners before they have first withheld their feelings from them, called them names, or belittled them. A person who might cross from verbal to physical abuse is likely to show signs of an impending physical assault by launching intense and repeated verbal attacks, by indulging in rages or by becoming abusive in public. Such a person attempts to justify the abuse by blaming their partner. Batterers notoriously blame the victim of their assaults. "If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be in jail," says the batterer. The verbal abuser does likewise saying, "You made me...," or "You’re trying to control me," or "You’re trying to start a fight."
Battering and Myths
Domestic violence is an enormous problem made difficult to see, not only because it is usually hidden, but also because it is hard to understand why grown ups revert to hitting and sometimes killing the people to whom they claim to be close. Myths about the victims, such as "they bring it on themselves," or are "co-dependent", or "provoke it," also obscure the problem.
Control, Verbal Abuse and Violence
Domestic violence is about the control of one human being by another. This control begins with verbal abuse and is similar to mind control. Verbal abuse attacks one’s spirit and sense of self. Verbal abuse attempts to create self doubt. "You don’t know what you’re talking about," "You don’t have a sense of humor," "You can’t take a joke," "You’re too sensitive," "You’re crazy."
Verbal abuse so controls ones mind that some women who have left a verbally and sometimes physically abusive relationship twenty or more years ago still find themselves wondering, "Maybe there’s something I could have done...," or, "Maybe if I’d tried to explain just one more time my relationship would have gotten better." Very often the people who find themselves the target of controlling behaviors can’t comprehend that anyone would want to control them so they try to be nice. This doesn’t work. You can’t stop a rapist by being extra nice.
Through the eyes of the abuser, even the victim's own opinions are seen as opposition. Thousands of battered people have said that the hurt of verbal abuse lasted longer than the bruises of physical abuse. Verbal abuse is a kind of violence that creates a deep emotional pain and mental anguish that can be immobilizing.
i know the feelings we shared were more than just a fantasy. we shared more than just words. i remember not so long ago how happy you were and just thinking of me put a smile on your face. you felt more loved than you ever have before. i made you feel things that every woman wants to feel and did it from twelve hundred miles away as if i was right there beside you. all the times life knocked you down i was there to help you stand back up. i could make your heart melt by wooing your socks off. i would out of the blue write poems to you confessing my love. i remember making you shake with your heart beating so hard and fast. i shared every emotion you had with you. feeling what you felt. every time you needed me i was there for you. you used to miss me and think about me all the time and i did the same for you. i remember everything, everything. i remember day after day falling even more in love with you
i'm being told now that you wasn't the person i thought you was and that i'll never find out what really happened. i'll never have closure from this. that this wasn't the first time you've done this to someone and that you'll probably do it again to someone else. i don't want to believe any of that. but, maybe there is some truth behind some of it. then again, i guess i will never know. the hope i had is almost all but gone. i gave you all the love i had to give. there is no love left in me, only the feeling of emptiness. one day i will show you what you gave up on in me. i may not be a better person but i will be a different person from all of this. everyone needs a cause to believe in and stand up for. i think i finally found mine. i hope that someday it may help others the way it was meant to help you. i learned that you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. one day you will. i just hope it's there when you need it.
i'm being told now that you wasn't the person i thought you was and that i'll never find out what really happened. i'll never have closure from this. that this wasn't the first time you've done this to someone and that you'll probably do it again to someone else. i don't want to believe any of that. but, maybe there is some truth behind some of it. then again, i guess i will never know. the hope i had is almost all but gone. i gave you all the love i had to give. there is no love left in me, only the feeling of emptiness. one day i will show you what you gave up on in me. i may not be a better person but i will be a different person from all of this. everyone needs a cause to believe in and stand up for. i think i finally found mine. i hope that someday it may help others the way it was meant to help you. i learned that you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. one day you will. i just hope it's there when you need it.
Promised
i promised i'd never give up on you,
because i loved you.
i promised to always help you,
because i believed in you.
i promised to never leave you,
because i'd never hurt you
i promised to be with you,
because i needed you.
i promised to stand beside you,
because i couldn't live without you.
i promised all i could give you,
because it's anything for you.
i promised to forever love you,
because there's only pain and misery without you.
despite promises we know in our hearts and can feel in our souls,
it's killing me inside,seeing this might be as far as we go.
the road has been long and hard, together still is where we belong.
i'm the one standing beside you until all problems are gone.
everyone says it'll never work we are crazy,
but they are just jealous of you baby.
when they finally see i've given you my heart and soul,
everyone will want the love we share and never let go.
soon i'll hold you close and whisper in your ear,
"hi baby" melting your heart and shedding a tear.
i promised to give you that one of these days,
so why are you turning and just walking away.
a chance...one chance is all i've ever asked you for,
but still no promise i gave can keep you from walking out the door.
i won't promise you every thing because that i can't keep,
until the day i die these promises here i will keep.
our love is strong, strong like a great rock,
but it's so fragile that it's already crumbling apart.
these words i give you straight from the heart,
a heart that's been broken and falling a part.
when all that's left here is a broken heart and me,
with or without you these promises i will still keep.
my lady, my goddess, my love, my everything,
please don't leave me...i'll promise you anything.
Today
today i awoke before sunrise thinking of you. always thinking of you. the overwhelming feeling of loneliness making me doubt the reality of your being. rejection has left me broken with tears streaming down my face. falling from my chin onto my chest where your head was supposed to lay. this manic bout of depression makes me fear the very existence of my life without you in it. abandonment issues leaving me with paranoid thoughts of you losing the strength to fight for love. if given the chance, i would die for your happiness. be beaten and left bloody for one more chance to hear your voice saying you love me, you miss me, you need me. our hearts were destined to meet. our passion making them melt to form the love our souls to continuously seeks. growing old with you is my life's calling that keeps me connected to feeling your hearts sadness and sorrow. believe in our love for it will light your way through the darkest of times and guide our star crossed souls back once again to each other. in this life or the next. i crave the anticipation of knowing the thought of me still makes your heart flutter from the butterflies in your stomach giving hope to my thoughts of hopelessness of ever feeling your embrace.
Night and Day
i promised i'd never give up on you,
because i loved you.
i promised to always help you,
because i believed in you.
i promised to never leave you,
because i'd never hurt you
i promised to be with you,
because i needed you.
i promised to stand beside you,
because i couldn't live without you.
i promised all i could give you,
because it's anything for you.
i promised to forever love you,
because there's only pain and misery without you.
despite promises we know in our hearts and can feel in our souls,
it's killing me inside,seeing this might be as far as we go.
the road has been long and hard, together still is where we belong.
i'm the one standing beside you until all problems are gone.
everyone says it'll never work we are crazy,
but they are just jealous of you baby.
when they finally see i've given you my heart and soul,
everyone will want the love we share and never let go.
soon i'll hold you close and whisper in your ear,
"hi baby" melting your heart and shedding a tear.
i promised to give you that one of these days,
so why are you turning and just walking away.
a chance...one chance is all i've ever asked you for,
but still no promise i gave can keep you from walking out the door.
i won't promise you every thing because that i can't keep,
until the day i die these promises here i will keep.
our love is strong, strong like a great rock,
but it's so fragile that it's already crumbling apart.
these words i give you straight from the heart,
a heart that's been broken and falling a part.
when all that's left here is a broken heart and me,
with or without you these promises i will still keep.
my lady, my goddess, my love, my everything,
please don't leave me...i'll promise you anything.
Today
today i awoke before sunrise thinking of you. always thinking of you. the overwhelming feeling of loneliness making me doubt the reality of your being. rejection has left me broken with tears streaming down my face. falling from my chin onto my chest where your head was supposed to lay. this manic bout of depression makes me fear the very existence of my life without you in it. abandonment issues leaving me with paranoid thoughts of you losing the strength to fight for love. if given the chance, i would die for your happiness. be beaten and left bloody for one more chance to hear your voice saying you love me, you miss me, you need me. our hearts were destined to meet. our passion making them melt to form the love our souls to continuously seeks. growing old with you is my life's calling that keeps me connected to feeling your hearts sadness and sorrow. believe in our love for it will light your way through the darkest of times and guide our star crossed souls back once again to each other. in this life or the next. i crave the anticipation of knowing the thought of me still makes your heart flutter from the butterflies in your stomach giving hope to my thoughts of hopelessness of ever feeling your embrace.
Night and Day
i miss those nights we'd stay up talking for hours.
i miss hearing the feelings we had was no one else's but ours.
i miss you texting saying you're thinking about me.
i miss hearing you say you'd never leave.
i miss asking you how was your day?
knowing you so well, i knew you'd say it was tiring today.
i miss those nights talk like that would cost more than a dime.
you remember those nights, our happy fun time.
what i miss most , is right before we turned out the lights,
we'd say sweet dreams i love you baby good night.
it's been a week without you and i really shouldn't care.
i still miss everything about you even that feeling in the air.
even though the way you left was very, very wrong,
can't get you out of my head. i still dream about you all night long.
i'm mad as hell, thinking about wanting nothing but my revenge.
i picture your face, hear your voice and it calms me down again.
i will never see you, touch you, hold you in my arms.
or lay beside you watching you sleep all night long.
my heart is heavy and at night the pain is real and oh so deep.
all i can do is go to bed and think of you before i fall to sleep.
waking the next day i hope it was only a dream
i realize i'm without you, damn, you were my everything.
i sit here knowing i can't do anything i must walk away.
i hope you remember me cause i'm still missing you night and day.
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