One And Done

     i may never write about this again so, one and done, get it out and move on to more important things. love? hmmmm..... i've known love a few times in this life. it seems to have shaped and molded me into the person i am today.  it can be a strong , powerful, life alternating thing to go through. for some it seems to fill the void in there life perfectly. for others it seem to bring balance to there life. then for others seems to ruin it. i've only truly been in with four people in my life. the last time was many many years ago. i wouldn't allow it to take hold of me again because i knew how much it hated me. always seemed to destroy me. make me do things that wasn't who i really am. i accepted it and moved on in my life knowing that love would never be found by me again.
      many, many years i avoided love. i would tip-toe around it so it wouldn't hear me. if i saw it walking towards me i would turn and go a different direction. seeing as how love hates me i returned the feelings even cursed it. i was content in life not really wanting more. after avoiding it all these years i dropped my guard. it has been in hiding for so long i thought it had finally given up on trying to catch me. i was wrong.
     it laid there quiet, watching me for all these years until it found my weakness and launched an all out assault on it. it appeared so innocently but with a clear goal in mind...to put me on my ass. 
     it began as a somewhat friendship. jokingly flirting not really showing much in the way things was about to become. it didn't even go to my heart at first. it started in the bottom of my stomach like a pain disguising itself. the more time we spent together the more we talked. the more we talked the more time we spent together until one day love punched me in the chest so hard it took my breathe.
     i now once again know love. the indescribable happiness that accompanies it. all the joy and pleasures that i so easily discarded and hated i now feel and welcome it once again. but don't be fooled into thinking it is a happy ending for this just yet. love found a way to show just how much it hates me.
     now the love i've missed so much has shown its ugly side. i've fallen for someone i cant be with, look at face to face with, or even find easily ways to communicate with. to rub it in even more she is with another. normally these things would be enough to make it crawl back to the hole from which it came but not this time. no, this time the feelings are the same from her. and are just as strong towards me as mine are to her. just talking to her is enough to change my entire day...uurrgh and yet we cant be together(for now anyways). love if you don't really hate me then this is your one and last chance to either help me. or get ran over by me. i'm not letting this one slip away from me like all the rest. this is going to be a long and bumpy ride, so love you better buckle up. 

damn....enough of the sappy love shit. now i have to go shoot something and get my balls back. lmao. thanks to CC for everything you've helped me with.