sad, sad, sad ,sad day

     it is a sad, sad day today. the love of my life is gone. this time i feel like it is for good. i really thought we had something there that was going to work. love can be a powerful thing. when it's there you feel like anything is possible and when it is taken from you your whole world collapses down around you. i will never love anyone this way ever again. this the last time i was giving love a chance and it bit me in the ass again. i have been rejected my whole life by women. this was the last time. i guess it is true that nice guys finish last. only it feels like i will never finish at all.
     she actually asked me if i was a weirdo and was just messing with her head. i never lied to her. i was willing to do any thing for her. i am not mad at her though only greatly disappointed that she could bring herself to see what i was in front of her waiting with open arms and an open heart. many of you may not hear from me for a while but don't be alarmed i am fine. i just need some time. time heals all wounds but i'm afraid nothing will ever heal this one. i will carry this heart ache to the grave with me even if i live to be a hundred guess it was never meant for me to truly be with my soul mate. goodbye cc my love i will forever and always miss you


     you know what i'm not done. i have more to say. i'm really hurt by the fact that she doesn't think she can trust me. i told her things that even my closest of friends have never even known about me. i guess thats where it stands. i trusted her about every thing. every one was telling me not to trust or believe her and i din't care about any of that. i trusted her. she evidently was told the same things about me and listened to them.that is so messed up. it is really sad that she won't trust in what she is feeling and will never know what is out there in the world. 
     i do feel sorry for her. she gets to sit at home day and night mostly by herself and her kids being miserable. being controlled by someone she said she doesn't love anymore. it is really sad once you think about it. really sad. but i tried and offered her a way out and she was "forced" to refuse it i guess. i even wrote and mailed her a love letter which i guess he got and threw away because she never received it...you know what since it is over i saved a copy of it. so here it is. for the world to see how much i love this girl.


   


Chris,


     i hope you get this or at least"allowed" to read it. first 


things first. i will never forget about you ever. you are the 


first thing i think about when i wake up and the last thing i 


think of as i fall asleep. i hope you can forgive me for not 


doing more to help you. i never meant to make things any 


worse for you. i worry so much about you sitting there 


either alone or forced to sit next to him. the thought of him 


touching you when you no longer love him turns my insides 


into stone. every second that passes without you feels like a 


hundred life times. i can only hope that you are strong 


enough to better yourself and pusue your happiness. even if 


that dont include me in your life. the sacrifices you've made 


to become a mother  should never be punished in any way 


by the life you are living now. i even prayed for you to have 


that strength and i never pray for any thing. 
     words will never come close to discribing how much i 


have been missing you. the only way possible for me to 


make it through the day is staring at your picture for hours 


on end. thinking how it will feel to hold you in my arms. if 


that ever comes and you are laying in my arms , i may never 


let you go. it feels as if i've waited two lifetimes since we 


last crossed paths. star crossed lovers, soul mates, or just 


two people meeting at the wrong olace in time doesn't 


matter which because nothing will ever change how much 


i've fallen in love with you. you have given me a reason to 


live  again and for that thank you. every breathe i take now i 


take for you and the hope of some day showing you the love 


i have to offer you.
     until then my love, let these words warm your heart and 


give you everything you need to get you through this. i will 


always miss you and will be here waiting for you my love.


                                                                                                 


forever loving you
                                          jason w.