be patient

     OK, it's officially after Christmas. i know what you are thinking...yeah umm by a couple hours maybe. i know i have to be patient and let things fall where they may but i have been very patient especially here last couple weeks. it is getting really hard too. i am down to just a few hours sleep a night now for the past four nights. it feels like it has been a month since i last spoke to her. to quote that famous line from zombieland "it's time to nut up or shut up".
     this could be the first day of the rest of her life or just another day in her miserable life. she gave me a reason to want to live again and not just skate by. i am just afraid that with no one pushing her and showing her what she deserves and has been missing that this will be just another day wasted. i don't believe neither one of us needs to do that. but i can't do anything without her knowing about it first. i still hear from a few friends that this is all just a bunch of bullshit. i don't or can't bring myself to believe that. no one knows the things we have talked about. the things that you wouldn't share with anybody we shared with each other.
     it would be a shame, a huge waste of time, even wrong for us to get this far and not even at least try it. i've been a very busy boy as of late. got many things accomplished and waiting for the go ahead. i promised her i would always be here and i will, but i shouldn't be expected to wait forever. i didn't figure we would get this far but we have. it's to the point now where somethings got to give. it can't stay like this because this is tearing me apart. there is only a few things i can do now. each one of those things only slightly delays the choices she has to now make on her own. i do believe that time has arrived. i have to be patient. it's not my choice to make. be patient. be patient