what's in my mind on this lovely evening? well, Christmas eve. sitting here alone. have not talked to you know who now in what feels like eternity. as if that alone wasn't bad enough, the anxiety and stress of it all is really taking a toll on me. i have always had nightmares as long as i can remember. of course everyone has them but i also suffer a wicked sleep disorder called sleep paralysis. yes it just as it sounds...only worse.
did some more research on it today and it's amazing how it is all a viscous cycle. sleep paralysis causes nightmares, nightmares causes interrupted sleep, that in turn leads to sleep deprivation, and that causes sleep paralysis. i guess the trigger was all the stress and anxiety lol. to top all that off you can throw in some severe(and i mean severe) rejection issues and its no wonder when i looked in the mirror today i just couldn't believe it. I've become an old man almost over night.
but all that is ok. worth it even, cause it won't be long before i get to see my baby. hmmm. ok now i'm worried. hahahaha gots to look my best. so just to let those of you who do read this, i may not post anything else til after the first of the year. so to everyone best wishes during this holiday season and wish us luck
oh and one more thing...bah humbug, bah humbug, fucking bah humbug. hahahaha
Sleep paralysis sounds unbelievable. You wake from sleep. As you lie in bed, you feel like someone is standing over you in the darkness. You try to move your head only slightly to take a subtle glance, but you can't. Someone -- something -- is surely holding you down. You attempt to struggle, to thrash your arms and legs, but you are frozen in place. Sheer panic washes over you as your paralysis lingers.
Though this may sound all too unreal, sleep paralysis is indeed a very real experience.
There are some common features of sleep paralysis, including:
- Eye movements are typically preserved.
- It more often occurs while sleeping on one’s back.
- Visual and auditory hallucinations often occur and may include a sense of an evil presence, of being touched, or hearing voices or noises in the room.
- Occasionally faces or people may be seen at the bedside.
- A sense of breathlessness (or chest pressure, even someone standing on one’s chest) may exist.
- Sleep paralysis is believed to be a problem with the regulation of REM. During this phase of sleep, the body is kept relaxed so that dreams are not acted out. If this relaxation, or atonia, occurs while the person is awake, it can cause temporary paralysis. This may be experienced when a REM period is disrupted.
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