Emotional abuse is any behavior that is designed to control another person through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. It can include verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics like intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.
Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in her perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it be by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance" or teaching, the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient loses all sense of self and all remnants of personal value.
Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be longer-lasting than physical ones. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.
Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.


Following are types of emotional abuse:

DOMINATION: Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.


VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.

ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.

EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.

UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of Borderline Personality Disorder). Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.
This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hyper vigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood.
An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.


GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)

CONSTANT CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement. (Many non-BPs also are addicted to drama.)

Mental, psychological, or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner consists of more subtle actions or behaviors than physical abuse. While physical abuse might seem worse, the scars of verbal and emotional abuse are deep. Studies show that verbal or nonverbal abuse can be much more emotionally damaging than physical abuse.
Since, in the majority of cases, people who indulge in verbal abuse are selective about whom they abuse, many people are surprised to hear that someone is experiencing on-going and periodic abuse from someone they know and have always seen as nice and friendly. “Nice and Friendly” is the persona of many an abuser. Although many folks are as nice and friendly as they seem, some are not.
Thousands of battered people have said that the hurt of verbal abuse lasted longer than the bruises of physical abuse. Verbal abuse is a kind of violence that creates a deep emotional pain and mental anguish that can be immobilizing.
Verbal abuse is usually hidden. It takes a long time to recover. It is very traumatizing. It can go on for the length of a long relationship without becoming physical. Also, it precedes and is part of physically abusive and threatening relationships--ones where a person is hit, pushed, shoved, or witnesses demonstrations of violence. Verbal abuse is so much like mind control that the victim may doubt her sanity.

Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:
threatening or intimidating to gain compliance
destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so
violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) or pet, in the presence of the intended victim, as a way of instilling fear of further violence
yelling or screaming
name-calling
constant harassment
embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends
criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals
not trusting the victim’s decision-making
telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser
excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family
excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be
saying hurtful things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse to say the hurtful things
blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels
making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to “teach them a lesson”
making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship
Emotional and Verbal abuse
Emotional abuse can result in serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental disorders.
Verbal/emotional abuse is anything that the abuser says or does to the victim which causes the victim to be afraid, lowers the victim's self esteem, or manipulates the victim's emotions in order to control the victim's behavior.
Examples:
Name-calling
Put-downs
Insulting remarks about the victim, the victim's family or friends
Yelling and screaming
Threats of violence and harm
Racial slurs
Intentionally embarrassing the victim in front of other people
Isolating the victim from friends and family
Telling the victim what to do
Making the victim feel responsible for causing the violence
Stalking
Harming or threatening to harm the victim's pets
Threatening to commit suicide
Threatening to expose the victim's secrets (such as personal/private sexual information, sexual orientation, or immigration status)
Threatening to take away the victim's children
Threatening
Intimidating
Criticizing
Displaying jealousy
Using public humiliation
Putting down the partner
Isolating
Dominating
Using the Children
Yelling
Degrading women in general
Belittling accomplishments
Constant blaming
Apologizing and making false promises to end the abuse
Isolating from others
Ridiculing, criticizing appearance
Ignoring, withholding affection
Abusing pets
Accusing of having affairs
Monitoring conversations
Embarrassing in front of others
Undermining authority with children
Making account for time
Constant telephone calls - "checking up"

Examples of emotional abuse in domestic violence

Emotional abuse is damaging to the soul. It often leaves a vague feeling of pain, a sense of something wrong that is hard to identify. Since it is so difficult to define, women often doubt their own perceptions. The emotional abuse of someone keeps the partner on an emotional roller coaster. He keeps her off balance so she does not trust her own sense of reality.
Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. Some examples are as follows:

Isolation: The man will strongly discourage contact with friends and family. He will insist upon a move to an area far from these people, possibly rural or remote if they are city dwellers.
Limiting involvement with others: He will deny the woman access to a car, not allow her to go to school. If she is employed, he will harass her on the telephone or turn up at her workplace and cause trouble so that she loses her job.
Control of finances: He will take her money, give her an allowance or make her ask for money. She will have to account for all her expenditures and will have no knowledge of the family finances.
Putting her down: The man will call her names, ridicule her, imitate her, tell her she is 'stupid', yell at her, downplay her accomplishments, degrade her dignity and self-worth, make her feel useless and inferior.
Playing mind games: He will deny the abuse ever happened, say 'she caused it', or make light of the abuse telling her 'she has no sense of humor'.
Using the children: He will threaten to take the children away from her.
Anger and jealousy: The man will get angry and jealous and accuse her of having affairs if she even speaks to another man.

Verbal Abuse and its Devastating Impact
If you've heard, "You're Too Sensitive", you've probably heard verbal abuse.
The scars from verbal assaults can last for years. They are psychological scars that leave people unsure of themselves, unable to recognize their true value, their talents and sometimes unable to adapt to life’s many challenges. Except for name-calling many people don't recognize verbal abuse—especially when it comes from a person they believe loves them or from a person they perceive as an authority figure; or when it comes from a person who is in a position of power, for example, one's boss, a family provider, one's parent, or even an older sibling that one has learned to look up to in childhood. 
Unfortunately, when people don’t recognize verbal abuse for what it is, they may try to get the person who is putting them down, giving them orders, or “correcting,” denouncing, yelling at or ignoring them to understand them and understand that the behavior hurts them. Or, they may try to stop them by giving it back in kind. In other words, they may act out their anger. 
Since, in the majority of cases, people who indulge in verbal abuse are selective about whom they abuse, many people are surprised to hear that someone is experiencing on-going and periodic abuse from someone they know and have always seen as nice and friendly. “Nice and Friendly” is the persona of many an abuser. Although many people are as nice and friendly as they seem, some are not.

In verbally abusive relationships, verbal abuse creates pain and trauma and can lead to physical illness. Ongoing abuse is stressful, no matter how much one tries to ignore it. Stress compromises the immune system leaving the abused person vulnerable to a host of illnesses. Back pain and exhaustion are often the first symptoms.
On the other hand, people can occasionally feel so upset or frustrated that they say something that is abusive, but when they realize how they’ve come across they apologize and say what they mean in a non-abusive, healthy, way.
If there isn’t a feeling of goodwill and understanding between two people in their relationship, if one is hurting and feeling constantly put down by actual comments, for instance, “You can’t do anything right,” or is frequently yelled at, then that person is probably in a verbally abusive relationship.

Verbal Abuse Can Precede Domestic Violence
Verbal Abuse Can Lead to Domestic Violence
Batterers don’t start beating their partners before they have first withheld their feelings from them, called them names, or belittled them. A person who might cross from verbal to physical abuse is likely to show signs of an impending physical assault by launching intense and repeated verbal attacks, by indulging in rages or by becoming abusive in public. Such a person attempts to justify the abuse by blaming their partner. Batterers notoriously blame the victim of their assaults. "If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be in jail," says the batterer. The verbal abuser does likewise saying, "You made me...," or "You’re trying to control me," or "You’re trying to start a fight."

Battering and Myths
Domestic violence is an enormous problem made difficult to see, not only because it is usually hidden, but also because it is hard to understand why grown ups revert to hitting and sometimes killing the people to whom they claim to be close. Myths about the victims, such as "they bring it on themselves," or are "co-dependent", or "provoke it," also obscure the problem. 

Control, Verbal Abuse and Violence
Domestic violence is about the control of one human being by another. This control begins with verbal abuse and is similar to mind control. Verbal abuse attacks one’s spirit and sense of self. Verbal abuse attempts to create self doubt. "You don’t know what you’re talking about," "You don’t have a sense of humor," "You can’t take a joke," "You’re too sensitive," "You’re crazy." 
Verbal abuse so controls ones mind that some women who have left a verbally and sometimes physically abusive relationship twenty or more years ago still find themselves wondering, "Maybe there’s something I could have done...," or, "Maybe if I’d tried to explain just one more time my relationship would have gotten better." Very often the people who find themselves the target of controlling behaviors can’t comprehend that anyone would want to control them so they try to be nice. This doesn’t work. You can’t stop a rapist by being extra nice.  
Through the eyes of the abuser, even the victim's own opinions are seen as opposition. Thousands of battered people have said that the hurt of verbal abuse lasted longer than the bruises of physical abuse. Verbal abuse is a kind of violence that creates a deep emotional pain and mental anguish that can be immobilizing.

If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse please find help. No one should be treated this way
www.thehotline.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233)